


Things Aren’t Quite The Same

by oscarwildechilde



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canonical Character Death, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Reginald is a horrible father, Sibling friendship, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 09:56:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17916587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscarwildechilde/pseuds/oscarwildechilde
Summary: Ben reads to Klaus when the dead get too loud for him to beat. He’s always there for him, and always will be.Ben and Klaus’ friendship and the start of Klaus’ problems.





	Things Aren’t Quite The Same

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Heroin by the Velvet Underground

It wasn’t the times Reginald called them into his office with a ring of anger that you had to worry about. What they all learned to watch for was when he summoned them with his voice sweet as honey, telling them they were coming with him for special assignment, or a day for just the two of them.

It made them feel special, feel excited. A day all to themselves, getting attention from a father who never showed interest except to point out their failures. The last time Klaus fell for it was with the three days in the mausoleum. His father had told him that they were going somewhere special, just the two of them. When they arrived at the cemetery, Klaus froze and dug his heels in the dirt. Reginald grabbed him by his collar and dragged him on.

“It’s time you got over this childish fear of the dead, or you’ll never realize your true potential.” 

“No, no, please!” He had begged, but it hadn’t made a difference. He’d been stuck in the dark no matter how much he screamed. Later he wondered how much money he’d paid to keep people away from the graveyard those days. He wondered if anybody heard him and did nothing.

He wasn’t the only one, he knew that. Once, he’d taken Ben away and he came back, shivering in his bed. When pressed he told Klaus about how he’d been made to kill animals to see the extent of the horrors beneath his skin. That seemed almost worse to Klaus. Ben, who didn’t like to hurt anything, who was sweet and kind and would rather sit in the corner with a book than even fight with his brothers when they pissed him off. He knew that Diego also had an outing with dad, and had come home soaking wet and wouldn’t tell anybody what had happened, but Klaus knew that their dad has probably tried to see the extent of how long he could hold his breath. Once Vanya went away and Reginald told them all she was sick, but Klaus wasn’t sure.

When Klaus came home, he went immediately to his room and turned on all the lights. He even stole a pink lamp from Allison’s room, a flashlight from Diego, and a night light from Vanya’s, and curled himself into the corner of his bed, against the wall so none of the ghosts could sneak up behind him. He held the flashlight and turned it on, checking every shadowy area not covered by the light. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door. Ben opened the door and stood in the threshold.

“You trying to jack up the electric bill?” He asked

Klaus shook his head. Ben frowned at his lack of comment and came into his room and sat on the other side of his bed

“You never don’t have something to say.” Ben said

“Yeah, well...” he said, shaking uncontrollably

“Should I leave?”

Klaus shook his head quickly “Please stay. I don’t...” he took a breath “I don’t want to be alone again.”

Ben modded and pulled out a book “Do you want me to read to you?”

Klaus nodded and Ben started, jumping right in from where he’d left off reading. It didn’t matter to Klaus, he didn’t need to know the story, but his voice seemed to keep the dead far enough away, keeping just outside of his line of sight. They were never fully gone, but it was enough.

————  
Klaus started drinking when he was 10, stealing from the different bottles of liquor Reginald kept in the house, careful not to take too much from one bottle.

At first it had been for fun, he and Allison had tried it for the first time together, Ben and Five even had a little, all of them giggling as quiet as they could in Allison’s bedroom as they began to feel warm and giddy. 

When Klaus stumbled to bed that night, the ghosts were faded, not loud and screaming at him. It was like he could block them out. He tried it again a few nights later, and they were muffled again.

He started taking more and more liquor from his dad’s liquor cabinet, getting a thrill from getting away with it. Until one night, when he was pouring himself a fourth glass of vodka and Luthor caught him.

“What are you doing?” He asked

“Nothing, piss off.” Klaus said, replacing the ornate crystal stopper and returning the glass to the shelf

“That’s dad’s.” 

“No shit.” He said

Luthor crossed his arms and looked at him with his best ‘leader’ stare

“Don’t give me this ‘big brother’ bullshit, we’re literally the exact same age.” Klaus slurred 

“You shouldn’t be drinking.” Luthor said “For one thing, it’s illegal”

Klaus couldn’t help but laugh “And what are you going to do? Turn me into the police?”

“No, but I can tell dad.” 

Klaus’ face fell “Don’t be such a narc, Luthor.” He snapped 

Luthor turned around and started walking to their father’s office “I’m not kidding, Klaus.”

Klaus rushes after him and stood in front of him “Luthor come on, please don’t tell dad.”

“This is serious!” He shoved past him

“Luthor come on!” Klaus grabbed his shoulder and Luthor shoved him, making him land hard on his back “Asshole!” 

Luthor was trudging towards their dad’s office and Klaus stumbled up and chased after him again “Please, please don’t tell him! I won’t do it again, Luthor, please.”

“Number One! Number Four! What is all this nonsense about?” Their father was standing in the threshold of his office, looking down on them with annoyance 

“Nothing!” Klaus said

“Four was drinking.” Luthor said “From your liquor cabinet.” 

“God, you’re such a fucking asshole!” Klaus said 

Reginald slammed his cane down on the wooden floor, making them both jump “Into my office, number Four. Number One, you may leave.” 

Klaus gave Luthor a dirty look as he shoved past him and into Reginald’s office, where he stood with his hands behind his back as the old man paced 

“Do you think this is a game, number Four?” 

“This moment in particular, or...?” Klaus said, the liquor in his blood making him feel bold. Reginald whacked the cane against his desk

“That’s enough from you. I will not have you wasting your potential by spending your time drinking like some kind of degenerate. What would you propose you do if we were called to a mission? Stumble around like an idiot and ruin my reputation?” Reginald yelled 

“Yes because talking to dead people makes me the MVP of every mission.” Klaus mumbled

“You are dulling your abilities with this nonsense! You never try hard enough!” 

“I just want to sleep!” Klaus yelled back “I can’t sleep with these fucking things everywhere, screaming at me day and night!”

“This silly fear of the dead was barely acceptable when you were a child, and now it is simply embarrassing.” Reginald spat “Should we take another trip to the mausoleum?”

Klaus swallowed hard “No. No, please no. I’ll be better, I promise, I’ll try harder.” 

Reginald looked him over “We’ll see about that. Now, you will stay in your room for the rest of the day and I better not see you sneaking around again.” 

Klaus slunk out of the office and stopped down the stairs to his bedroom. Luthor was standing by his door as he did

“I just did it for your own good.” He said

“Oh fuck you.” He slurred. He slammed the door shut and slumped into the corner of his room, feeling the room spin beneath him. He clutched the floor and tried to steady himself. After a moment he rushed up and ran to the bathroom and threw up, hunched over the toilet. He felt a thin sheen of sweat coat his skin and he gave a pathetic sob.

There was a knock on the door and Ben stood over him, frowning.

“I don’t want to hear it.” He groaned 

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Ben said, just walked in and sat on the side of the bath tub and winced as Klaus threw up again. “Are you okay?”

“Luthor is an asshole.”

Ben smirked “Well we always knew that.” 

Klaus rested his forehead on the toilet seat and groaned. He tried to stand again but felt another wave of nausea and sat back down. Ben stood up to leave him be and Klaus held up a hand “Will you-“ he sighed “Will you stay with me?” 

Ben said nothing, just sat down again and patted him on the shoulder and pulled out his book and began reading out loud.

——

It wasn’t long before Klaus moved on to different substances, experimenting with a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

He smoked pot for the first time when he was 12, and felt like someone had replaced his molars with cotton. It didn’t make the ghosts go away, but it made them calmer, less terrifying. A combination of shitty red wine and a joint was enough for a while, helping him fall asleep or deal with his father and the ghosts. It would make him ramble on and on, annoying most everybody with his chatter that didn’t make a lot of sense to anybody else, but Ben was fine around him, just sighed and indulged him. Klaus would stop sometimes and ask him about what he was reading and Ben would talk and Klaus would listen and ask questions. Ben knew that he should try and get his brother to stop- but it seemed harmless and he liked being listened to.

When they were 13, Klaus tripped down the stairs and broke his jaw. He was rushed to the hospital, in a horrible amount of pain, and had his jaw wired shut for 8 weeks. The doctor gave him heavy duty painkillers. And then the real trouble started. Klaus began to notice that when he took the painkillers, he didn’t see any ghosts. Not even in the corner of his eyes. At first he thought it was a fluke, and then realized what was happening. 

He went through the first bottle in less than a week and then asked Mom for more. She gave him a sympathetic pat on the cheek and obliged. 

Vanya walked in on him when he was taking four at once.

“Should you be taking that many at once, Klaus?”

Klaus frowned and shrugged, annoyed he wasn’t able to make a remark. He swallows the pills dry and pointed at the door.

Vanya hesitated at the doorknob “I’m just... Are you doing okay?”

He pointed at the door again and she skunk out of his room, defeated. He slumped onto his bed. The door opened again and Klaus let out an angry groan from his throat. Ben was standing in the door, arms crossed.

“Do you have to be such an ass?” He asked 

Klaus rolled his eyes and pointed to his jaw

“Oh I know, this is the most peace I’ve had in years.” Ben said “You need to cool it on the pills, man.”

Klaus pulled out a spiral notebook and a marker and scribbled ‘I’m in pain’

“Are you, or are you just numbing yourself?”

‘Go away’ he wrote, underlining it twice 

“No.” Ben said, sitting on the foot of his bed. Klaus huffed and crossed his arms. “I’m not leaving so you may as well stop moping.”

Klaus sighed and pointed to the book in Ben’s hands and gave a “let’s get this over with” gesture. This time Ben started from the beginning, a book by Kurt Vonnegut that he loved. It wasn’t long before Klaus drifted off to sleep to his brother’s voice.  
—-

Klaus learns to hide things, and does it well. He is the first to sneak out of the house wearing a skirt he stole from Allison and nail polish he stole from the drugstore. He sneaks back in before the others wake up and removes the makeup from his face and hides the clothes in a box under his bed and shows up in the morning, coming down from the drugs he’s taken at a club and exhausted, but feeling like he has something that’s just his. The ghosts don’t come when the music is loud and the lights are flashing and he’s tripping, or when he’s too exhausted to move, let alone dream. 

One morning, he’s climbing back in the window and a knife sticks into the windowsill, feet from his head 

“Fuck! You’re going to take someone’s eye out.” Klaus says, his heart thumping with surprise 

“If I wanted to take your eye out, it wo-would be out.” Diego said. His stutter was getting better and better recently, thanks to mom. Klaus heaved his way into the room and shut the window quietly “Where were you?”

“Out.” Klaus said , dusting off his skirt 

“And what are you wearing?”

“Do you like it?” He twirled a little 

“Dad would kill you if he found out.” Diego said

“What part, the cross dressing or the sneaking out?” Klaus said

“B-both.” 

“Don’t sell me out like Luthor would.” Klaus warned

“I won’t.” He said “I don’t really get it, but I won’t say anything.”

The next time he snuck out, he had a bad trip. Acid was hit or miss with keeping ghosts away. If things went fine, it was an incredible feeling, like reality itself was shifting and he didn’t see anything bad, no corpses, nothing. Combined with the oppressive press of bodies in a club- real living bodies- there was nothing like it.

But about half an hour after he’s taken the hit, he saw a ghost, a man in an alley who’s head had been half blown off with a shotgun who started screaming for him. Klaus panicked, feeling the psychedelic hit him and distorting the man’s face even more. He sprinted away, cursing himself for his impractical choice of footwear. The man was following him, screaming his name for ten horrifying blocks. He finally found a photobooth. He would have to risk it. If he called the number for the phone by their rooms, it was unlikely Reginald or Pogo would answer and he would have to face the consequences for sneaking out. But there was always a chance that Luthor would answer, or Mom, both of whom would tell. He called the number, his fingers feeling like they were merging with the numbers on the phone booth. It rang for a while, panic entering his chest with every moment.

“Hello?” It was Five. Oh thank god, it was Five. He would call Klaus an idiot, and judge him, but he wouldn’t say anything 

“Five, I need help, I need-“ he swallowed “Please help, I feel like I’m going to die.”

“Klaus?” Five asked “What are you on?” 

“It doesn’t matter right now, I just need help! I need someone to come get me.” He turned his head and vomited next to the phone booth

“Jesus. Hang on, where are you?” 

“Third and Maple.” He said, shivering 

“Don’t move.” Five said before hanging up. Klaus tried to regulate his breathing and closed his eyes, losing control of his grip on reality. There were more ghosts now, all demanding his attention, all needing something. He slumped on the side of a brick building and slid down until he was on the ground, sobbing into his knees. There was a whoosh and Klaus looked up. Five was there, frowning down at him, his eyes so much older than he was.

“Oh thank god.” Klaus said 

“What did you take, you idiot?” Five said

“Acid.” Klaus admitted

“Who the hell sold acid to a 13 year old?” Five sighs

Klaus shrugged “I’m having a really bad trip, I don’t-“ he shook his head and felt another wave of nausea rush over him “I want to go home.”

“The old man is going to kill you if he sees you like this.” Five said. He held out a hand and pulled Klaus up. Klaus has just hit a growth spurt and was currently taller than everyone but Luthor, and he had a solid six inches on Five, making the act of dragging him home difficult.

“Can’t you just, you know-“ he makes a poof noise 

“Not with 100 pounds of dead weight, unless you want all your molecules to be rearranged”

“That’s how I feel right now.” Klaus mumbled, still feeling a weight of terror on his chest “I don’t like this.” 

Five sighed “We’re just walking to the next block so we can get a cab.”

“The lights all want to hurt me.” Klaus whimpered

“Jesus Christ.” Five mumbled “I should have made Ben do this. I don’t have time to drag your junkie ass home.”

“I’m not a junkie.” Klaus argues

“Klaus, I haven’t seen you sober in a month.” Five said, struggling to keep Klaus upright. “The others may not have noticed, but I have.”

“Thought you were too preoccupied with your science bullshit to care.” Klaus mumbled

“I am. It’s just really obvious.” Five said. They rounded the block and the raised his arm to jail a cab. With the brief loss of support of Five, Klaus wobbled over and ended up sprawled on the pavement. Klaus gave a noice if frustration and crouched next to him “You’re an idiot to do this kind of thing.”

“Can you just not right now? I’m dying.” 

“You’re not dying, you’re dramatic.” Five said. Finally a cab pulled over and Five grabbed his brother by the arm and heaved him up and into the cab.

“He’s not drunk is he?” The cab driver asked

“Not drunk.” Five said

“If he pukes, I’m making you pay for it.” He shook his head and pulled out as Five gave him the address.

Klaus sat with his head between his knees the entire trip “I don’t like this.” He groaned 

“Well it’s your own fault.”

“You’re not very nice, has anybody ever told you that?” 

“I came to get you, didn’t I?” Five said “And I didn’t tell Dad, Pogo, or Luthor so I’m pretty fucking nice.”

Klaus let out another dramatic groan as they pulled up to the block of the Academy

“Here is fine.” Five said, handing the driver some cash and shoving Klaus until he opened the door and flopped out. He was shivering now, whether it was due to the drugs or the fact that he was completely underdressed for the cold, Five didn’t know.

“How long has it been since you got me?” Klaus asked

“Like 15 minutes.” Five said “Why?”

“Oh that’s not good. Time isn’t working right.” He said 

Five sighed “Let’s just go inside. How long is this supposed to last?”

“Like 12 hours.” Klaus said 

“And when did you take it?”

“At 11:00. It feels like days ago.”

“So we have another 11 hours of you freaking out? Great.” Five said “I’m making the others take care of you when you’re inside. Just shut up so dad doesn’t hear us.”

They managed to sneak back inside and into Klaus’ room without being caught. Vanya and Allison were waiting for him there.

“What’s wrong with him?” Allison asked

“He’s on LSD.” Five said. Klaus was sprawled our on the ground, staring at the ceiling like it was on fire.

“Where did he even get LSD?” Vanya asked

“There was a nice guy at the club.” Klaus said distantly “He was cute.”

He shot back up again and started looking around the room, panicked “Oh no, no, no.” He muttered “Go away, go away, go away.”

Five turned to leave and Allison turned to face him “Where are you going?”

“To sleep! I’ve been dealing with his nonsense all night and I want to go to bed instead of babying him for 11 more hours.”

“So you’re just leaving me and Vanya to deal with it?”

Five shrugged “Make Ben do it.” He said as he walked out 

Vanya and Allison glanced each other and sighed. Ben has been out with their father all day and was exhausted, he barely had enough energy to get into bed, he didn’t need to be dragged out to take care of Klaus.

Vanya crouched next to Klaus and touched his shoulder gently “Hey, Klaus, take a deep breath okay? It’s going to be okay. You’re safe.”

He stopped looking around the room and blinked hard at the two of them, his pupils blown up so his eyes looked massive. He took a deep breath and slumped back on the ground.

“I want this to be over.” He moaned

“I know, bud.” Allison said, sitting on his other side 

“Why don’t I put on some music?” Vanya suggested “We’ll do it really quiet so dad doesn’t hear.”

“No violin crap.” Klaus said

Vanya frowned, looking a little hurt but didn’t say anything. She went to his desk and found the most calm music she could from his disorganized pile of CDs and put one in the speaker, putting it on almost as quietly as it would go.

Klaus lay between his two sisters for an hour, still feeling the wave of panic in his chest.

“They’re still there.” Klaus muttered

“Who’s there?” Allison asked

“The ghosts. They’re always there.” 

Vanya and Allison gave each other another look, neither quite comfortable with him talking about the dead people he saw all the time.

There was movement at the door and the sisters braced themselves for their father to come out and yell at them for not being in bed, but Ben opened the door, looking bruised and worse for wear, and blinking in the light.

“Ben, you’re exhausted, go to sleep.” Allison said

He shook his head “I’m fine, you go” he said. 

“Ben..” Vanya began

“I’m fine.” He repeated.

Unsure, they slowly left the room, glancing from one brother to the other before closing the door. Ben sighed and put his book down on Klaus’ desk

“I’m not going to yell at you right now because I know that’s not what you need.” Ben sighed. “Do you want to take off your makeup?”

Klaus thought for a moment and nodded, knowing that if their father caught him, he’d probably be in way more trouble than if he was caught with drugs. Ben handed him a small wet wipe and Klaus scrubbed his face aggressively while Ben grabbed him some pajamas and turned while Klaus put them on.

“How are you feeling?” He asked

“Bad.” Klaus said “I thought it would make them go away but now they’re just louder and scarier and won’t go away.”

He sounded like a little kid again

Ben nodded “Okay, how many are there right now?”

Klaus shook his head “I don’t want to.”

“I think it’ll help.” Ben said

“There-there’s three.” He said

“Okay, what do they look like?”

“Dead.”

“You’re hilarious.” Ben said, sitting down across from him on the bed

“Okay, fine. There’s uh... there’s a little girl, and an old man and an old woman.”

“And they’re screaming?”

Klaus nodded 

“Can you hear anything else?” He asked

“Just the music.” 

“Alright let’s focus on that then.” Ben said, humming out of key to the music, his voice filling the room with streaks of jagged blue. 

“I think I can see the music.” Klaus said

“Maybe you’re getting a new power.” Ben joked. He yawned.

“I’m sorry.” Klaus said quietly “Don’t be mad at me.”

“M’ not mad.” Ben said “Do you want me to read?”

Klaus nodded “Don’t go.” 

—

Five goes missing, and Klaus spends days searching for him among the dead, actually trying, and hoping that he doesn’t find him. When he searches and searches and can’t find him, he’s sure that Five has just run away and left them all behind. He’s almost angry, but not as angry as Vanya, who shuts herself away for weeks after he’s gone. Surely if he was going to run away, he’d take the only sibling he actually liked with him, but he didn’t come back.

Reginald puts on a steel face but pushes the rest of them harder and harder the next few weeks. Klaus is high when he shows up to training, doing a few lines of coke in his bedroom to give himself the energy to actually get through this.

They’re doing hand to hand stuff. Usually Reginald will make Diego and Luthor spar, being at least slightly close in skill. Sometimes he would make all of them gang up on Luthor to see if he could take on five at once, but not today.

Klaus showed up a little late and went to lean next to Allison and Ben, his usually pair for fighting drills. Ben looked and him and frowned “How high are you right now?”

“High enough to get through this.” Klaus said, clapping Ben on the shoulder. He rolled his eyes but was cut off from saying something when their father walked in. Instinctively, they all straightened out their posture and grew silent. Klaus felt strange standing in a row without Five on the other side of him. Their father swept his eyes over them.

“Stop fidgeting, number Four.” He snapped, and Klaus returned to his stick straight posture, being as still as he could with the cocaine rushing through his system. This was apparently not still enough and Reginald stormed up to Klaus and slammed his cane on the ground in front of him, making him jump. 

“Are you trying to be insolent, Number Four, or are just incapable of following simple directions?”

“No sir.” He mumbled 

“Stop mumbling.”

“No sir!” He said clearer this time 

“Now, since it seems you have excess energy today, you’ll be the first one to work on today’s lesson. Step out of line.” 

Klaus gave Ben a glance and stepped to the middle of the room

“Number One, you too.” Reginald said

“What?” Klaus said

“I did not give you permission to speak!” He yelled “You need to learn how to fight those who are more capable than you are, you will not always be evenly matched in a real fight.” 

Luthor stood up to Klaus, even he looked unhappy about the matchup 

“C-c-come on, that’s not fa-fair.” Diego said after a moment

“Quiet, Number Two.” Reginald said

“He’ll break Kla- Number F-four in half.” Diego argued, stepping out of line

Reginald came over and stood in front of Diego, towering over him and staring him down “Not another word, or you will regret it.”

Diego slunk back and looked at his feet, silent. Reginald turned around and brought his attention back to the two in the middle

“Come on, Luthor, don’t do this.” Klaus pleaded

Luthor looked back at their father and opened his mouth to respond but closed it again, giving him a sympathetic glance. Luthor would never disappoint their father

“Begin.” Reginald said.

Luthor lunged for Klaus, who managed to slip just out of reach and bolt out of his range. Luthor tried again and Klaus continued to run, just avoiding his grip 

“Enough, Number Four!” Reginald spat “You’re supposed to be sparring, not retreating.”

Klaus found himself back in the middle and frozen in the spot as Luthor came over, fist raised. Klaus held up his arms in front of his face but he was barely able to soften the impact before Luthor punched him again, getting him right in the eye. Klaus knew he wasn’t using the full force of his power, he could have broken Klaus’ skull with one hand, but he’d probably just leave a bruise. Klaus pusher foreword and tried to take him out from the middle, but Luthor held out a hand and blocked him easily before punching him again in the gut, knocking him to his back and taking the air out of his lungs.

“Good, Number One!” Their father said

Klaus was determined not to give up that easily. Thank god for the coke in his system for making him get back up. While Luthor was beaming at Reginald’s comment, Klaus kept onto Luthor’s back and kicked at him, gripping on as tight as he could. Luthor struggles for a moment, unable to get a hold on his brother to pull him off but eventually fell back onto his back, stunning Klaus and making him let go. He turned over and gave Klaus another punch to the face, that was likely unnecessary as he was groaning on the floor.

“God, I give up, asshole!” Klaus wheezed. His lip was swollen and bleeding and a black eye was blooming on his right side.

“Get up, Number Four.” Reginald said

“No! Fuck that, I’m done.” Klaus muttered 

“Excuse me?” Reginald said

With a lot of effort, Klaus brought himself to a standing position. “I give up.”

Reginald looked at him like he was scum “You are such a disappointment, Number Four, it disgusts me. My son, who would rather flounce around in a dress than take your training seriously.”

Klaus turned bright red and looked at his feet. His siblings watched on, all of them almost a little glad it wasn’t their turn to hear this speech. 

“You are a disgrace to my name and to this organization. You disgust me. You are too afraid to unlock your real potential, your real power, because of what? Because you’re afraid of the dead, like a stupid child!” He spat. He pointed to Ben “You think Number Six is burdened by he implications of his power? Or Number Three? No! They do their duty instead of quivering.”

Despite himself, Klaus could feel tears on his cheeks and he slumped his head lower so his father couldn’t see.

“Get out of my sight.” He said finally, and Klaus retreated, limping back to his room and shutting the door before digging through his drawers to find his stash and took a few pills with a swig of gin from a bottle he had stashed under his bed. 

He heard a knock an hour later when he was in a blissful haze of drugs and alcohol.

“Fuck off.” He said

“It’s Luthor.” He said tentatively

“Oh great, then especially fuck off!” He slurred

He came in anyway and Klaus glared at him “What part of fuck off do you not understand, asshole?”

Luthor shifted uncomfortably “I’m really sorry.” He said “I didn’t... I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

“Well you did a great job hiding that!” He said

“Dad made me!” Luthor argued 

“Oh please, Luthor, you could say no if you wanted to, but that would mean disappointing dear old daddy, and we can’t have that!” Klaus said, the gin making him feel bold “Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Number One? Or stop pretending you came here to apologize on your own when we all know Allison made you do it.” 

Luthor turned on his heels and stomped back to his room. Klaus made a rude gesture to his back as he slammed the door behind him. 

As if on clockwork, Ben came into his room with a first aid kit “Your lip is still bleeding.” 

“I’m fine.” Klaus slurred 

“You’re high.” Ben said. He sighed “You know he’s not right.”

Klaus scoffed “About what?” 

“That you’re the only one who’s scared of their power.” Ben said “I’m scared all the time”

Klaus looked at him “But you can deal with it on your own, without us or without...” he trailed off “Why am I the only weak one?”

“You’re not weak.” Ben said

“But-“

“You’re not weak.” He repeated

“Well... Thanks.” Klaus said

That night they just sat together while Klaus was coming down, not feeling very talkative for once. He was sketching something out on his wall while Ben read, his back against Klaus’ bed. Ben made sure Klaus wasn’t looking and went back to what he was reading, opening the next chapter: ‘Understanding Addiction’.

“Do you ever think about your mother?” Klaus asked

“What about mom?” Ben asked, letting his head fall against the bed 

“No, not mom.” Klaus said “Your mother. Your birth mother.”

Ben shrugged “I don’t know, what about her?”

“I don’t know, like what she looks like, or if she likes the same things as you-“

“Or why she sold her kid to a random billionaire?” Ben asked

“Precisely.” Klaus said 

“Sometimes.” He said “mostly I try not to.”

“Why not?”

Ben thought for a moment “I’m just not optimistic enough to assume that everything would be better if we weren’t adopted by him.”

“Why not?” Klaus said 

Ben shut his book “Well, think about it, you are in some village in Germany or Denmark or wherever the hell he picked you up, and you suddenly start hearing voices and seeing ghosts.”

“And they think I’m going crazy, fair enough.” Klaus said 

“And if a kid starts having literal monsters come out of his skin?” Ben said “People would panic.”

“So that’s it, we’re either miserable here or in a loony bin somewhere across the world?” Klaus said 

“Seems like it.”

“That’s just great.” Klaus said. He paused for a moment “I wonder if she’s dead.”

“That’s really morbid.” Ben said, but thought about the chapter in his book talking about the strong genetic component to addiction, and how he could be right “you could always try conjuring her?”

“Eh. That’s a can of worms that should probably remain closed.” Klaus said. He shifted and groaned “I think Luthor bruised my ribs.” 

“You’re on so many painkillers, how can you even feel that?” Ben said

“How do you know I’m on painkillers?”

Ben glared at him “I’m not kidding, Klaus.” 

“I’m fine, Ben.” He snapped 

Ben shook his head and stood up

“Wait, no. Please stay.” Klaus said “I’m sorry.” 

“Are you?” Ben said “Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for being such a fuck up? I don’t know.” Klaus groaned 

“You’re not a fuck up.” Ben groaned “I just want you to stop doing this to yourself.” 

“I’m fine!” Klaus insisted 

“You have a problem.” 

“I don’t have a problem!” 

“You know what? That’s what addicts say. That’s what alcoholics say.” Ben said “And I know you’re not trying to do this, but I don’t think you have any control over what you’re doing right now.” 

“I’m always in control.” Klaus said “I just want- I just need the voices to go away, okay?”

“You can learn to control them! If you try you can make them go away.”

“I am trying, Ben!” Klaus argued “I’m just tired, okay? I’m so tired.”

“You don’t think I’m tired? Klaus, I’m probably the one person who actually understands what you’re dealing with. The others- they don’t get what it’s like to be afraid of their powers, but I do! I just want you to stop hurting yourself like this.” 

Klaus groaned into his pillow “I’m sorry, I know you’re struggling too. I don’t know- I don’t know why I need it but I do. I promise I’ll try to stop soon. I swear.”

Ben didn’t believe him but sighed “okay. I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“Ah, you’re just saying that because I look like shit.”

“Oh definitely.” 

——

The first time Klaus overdoses is two weeks after Ben dies. Klaus is in a haze of vodka and Valium throughout the funeral and the memorial. He picks a fight with his father at the foot of the statue he put up, screaming at him in a drunken rage until Reginald looked the closest he’d ever come to hitting Klaus across the face. 

Klaus left the house for days, only coming back when Diego and Vanya come and find him and force him to come back and eat a meal that wasn’t cocaine. He fights them the entire time, and says some truly awful things to both of them that he doesn’t really mean but doesn’t apologize for. Vanya runs to her room in tears by the time they get back. Klaus knows he’s making it hard for everyone to mourn Ben, making it impossible for everyone to grieve in their own way because he’s forcing them to deal with him. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. What did they care about Ben when he was alive? Where were they when he shuddered to look at himself in the mirror because the monsters under his skin were barely contained? Where were they when he would curl in a corner with his knees to his chest, covered in the blood he’d wrung from someone on a mission? And where were they when the monsters were literally ripped from his body, leaving nothing left but a bloody mess?

Diego grits his teeth when he drags Klaus home and stands over him as he vomits on the bathroom floor. 

“Leave me alone, Diego.” Klaus moans, his voice full of venom

“I just picked your ass up from a park bench with a needle in your hand, I’m not going anywhere.” Diego said “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Fuck off!” Klaus yelled “I hate you, I hate everyone in this horrible house. You have no idea, no fucking idea-“

Diego slammed his hand on the wall “You’re not the only one who loved B-Ben.” He said, his voice cracking with the strain. Klaus swiveled to look at him. His eyes were so bloodshot that one of the blood vessels had burst. 

“Leave me alone.” Klaus said “I want to be alone.” 

And Diego does, leaves him to sleep on the tile floor, the ghosts screaming in his ear

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! I’m done!” He screams until his throat burns and knows that his siblings can hear him, but none come in. He feels truly alone for the first time in his life.

Klaus doesn’t intend to overdose. Vaguely he registered that what he was putting into his body in the bathroom of the club was more than what he was used to, but he stuck himself anyway and let his head loll against the filthy stall. He sobbed as he felt the heroin enter his bloodstream, bringing a wave of pleasure, the happiest he’d felt in weeks. He felt his breathing start to shallow, as if he were forgetting to breath. Everything began to slow down before he lost consciousness.

He wakes up in a bright white room and his first thought is that he must be dead. Strangely he feels nothing in response to that. He blinks, his eyes adjusting to the light and sees someone in the corner of his eye. He turns over and sees Ben, sitting beside him.

“So I am dead.” Klaus said groggily “Why do I feel like I was hit by a truck?” 

Ben exhales as if he’d been holding a breath for a long time “Klaus, you idiot.”

“Not exactly the welcome I was expecting.”

“You’re not dead” Ben says

“If I’m not dead, how are you here?”

Ben gives him a look and Klaus’ heart drops. His felt his eyes well up with tears.

“I was so scared you were going to die, too.” Ben said, his voice thick “I was stuck in the dark and I couldn’t find you, and then I heard your voice and I-“

He stopped 

“I should have been there, I could have- I should have saved you.” Klaus sobbed “I should be the one who-“

“Fuck, Klaus, stop.” Ben said “You don’t deserve to die, I’m not going to let you think that. You can’t waste this.”

Klaus rubbed his eyes “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” Ben said “I promise I won’t.”


End file.
